(October 2004 From a Lesson to Woodridge II Ward Young Women, October, 2004)
When a child is born, who is that child the closest, or most attached to? The answer is obviously his or her mother. In fact, the child is so attached that the child does not know he or she is a different being. It takes time for a child to know it is independent.
What if we never knew how to detach from our mothers? Could we function in this world? Probably not. Fortunately, the God knew we needed a mechanism that would allow us to detach from our mothers, and learn how to be independent. He provided Fathers.
Father’s role is to bond with the child, but not as tightly. Thus the child forms a relationship and is able to move away from mother, but the relationship is not so tight that the child is completely attached to father. The child becomes independent.
This then is the role of males. They are to be more independent, rather than tightly connected. We learn how to manage relationships primarily from our mothers or other females. We learn how to be independent from our fathers.
Now think of the challenges God faced in creating a way for something that is to be independent to be controlled or managed. God had to find a way to help men, while allowing them to be free. How would the Lord attack this challenge?
Think about the solar system. In our solar system, we have objects that are highly independent, and yet they are kept in perfect alignment and under control for what scientists tell us are billions of years. These are very large objects, planets that are kept in alignment and orbit around the sun. There are two types of forces acting upon them.
The force that creates independence for these planets is centripetal motion, this constant pulling outward.
But there is a force that counteracts this strong feeling to be independent. That force is gravity. Gravity pulls the planets in.
In human relationships, for the male, there is a constant desire to be independent. But there is a strong force pulling him back to having relationships that are important for his well-being. That force is sexual desires.
John Byetheway says that the thoughts of a boy and girl are different when they kiss. The girl says, “O, he likes me!” That isn’t what boy thinks. He says, “This feels good!”
That expresses the differences pretty well. If boys are like planets, they can be attracted to girls from a long, long ways away. It can even happen across the galaxy. This ability, to be attracted by nothing more than looks is very fortunate. Imagine the tables were turned: Girls were attracted to boys by sight. Given the way boys are apt to look, nothing would ever get started.
But girls naturally desire to look good. Boys are attracted to things that look good. So the process can begin quite naturally.
But think about the potential impact of the force of gravity being strengthened. What could potentially happen to the earth?
There is a very delicate balance between the force of gravity and the force of independence. If independence is too strong, then no complex systems are possible. But if the force of gravity is too strong, then there is the possibility of far too much “physical contact.”
Young women are capable of increasing the strength of gravity. They can do this in multiple ways. For example, wearing clothing that is revealing or too tight increases the strength of gravity.
There is no need to increase the strength of gravity for the right boy. It may take much longer to find the right boy. But in God’s time, there is no need to rush.
V Complementary Nature of Men and Women
Elder Richard G. Scott
“Our Heavenly Father endowed His sons and daughters with unique traits especially fitted for their individual responsibilities as they fulfill His plan. To follow His plan requires that you do those things He expects of you as a son or daughter, husband or wife. Those roles are different, but entirely compatible. In the Lord’s plan, it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole. Indeed, a husband and wife are not two identical halves, but a wondrous, divinely determined combination of complementary capacities and characteristics.
“Marriage allows these different characteristics to come together in oneness—in unity—to bless a husband and wife, their children and grandchildren. For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one—to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan.
“You can learn how to be more effective parents by studying the lives of Adam and Eve. Adam was Michael who helped create the earth—a glorious, superb individual. Eve was his equal—a full, powerfully contributing partner. After they had partaken of the fruit, the Lord spoke with them. Their comments reveal some different characteristics of a man and woman. To Adam He said, ‘Hast thou eaten of the tree whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldst not eat?’ [ Moses 4:17 .] Now, Adam’s response was characteristic of a man who wants to be perceived as being as close to right as possible. Adam responded, ‘The woman thou gavest me, and commandest that she should remain with me, she gave me of the fruit of the tree and I did eat.’ [ Moses 4:18 .] And the Lord said unto Eve, ‘What is this thing which thou hast done?’ [ Moses 4:19 .] Eve’s response was characteristic of a woman. Her answer was very simple and straightforward. ‘The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.’ [ Moses 4:19 .]” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 101; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 73–74 ).”